


Only Human

by kanna37



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 09:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanna37/pseuds/kanna37
Summary: Only human... Loke's rather slowly come to the realization that his beloved mistress is human, and therefore mortal. She'll die someday and he'll be left behind for what may as well equate to eternity to grieve for his lost love. He decides he can't live with that, and makes a decision with long-lasting consequences.





	

“You told her _what_?!” Loke shouted, aghast.

Virgo looked away with a guilty blush. “I am sorry, Leo,” she apologized almost sheepishly. “You told me that if princess called for you while you were... otherwise occupied, to give her a reasonable excuse as to why you had not responded. That was the first believable thing that came to mind, since you did not want her to know what you were truly doing. Will I be punished?”

Loke shook his head, dismayed, but unwilling to take it out on Virgo. It wasn't her fault, after all. It was his. He had indeed told her to find a believable excuse if their mistress had called for him while he was unreachable, and she had more than fulfilled his request, even if it was in a way he fervently wished she hadn't. He only hoped that this little mess hadn't cost him literally everything, though. Because more was on the line this time than there had ever been before.

His first chance at true happiness might forever be gone.

With frustrated, worried fingers he massaged the bridge of his nose, then let his hand drop. He sighed, his expression definitely giving away his upset with the situation, but his anger was reserved for himself, not anyone else.

“No. And don't feel bad. You did what I asked you to do... but did you really have to tell her I was on a date? Couldn't you think of _anything_ else?” he asked plaintively, then exhaled deeply when she looked even guiltier, and backtracked. “No, no, never mind, that's definitely my fault, not yours. You did exactly as I asked, and I can't blame you for that,” he added tiredly, trying to figure out how to work himself _out_ of the mess he was now definitely in, because Lucy was most certainly furious with him. And that fact couldn't be laid at Virgo's feet, only his. “Don't worry about it. I'll... think of something.”

_I just don't know what._

There had been something that he'd been considering for a little while now, ever since he'd realized that he'd truly and completely fallen in love with his mistress, and that while he was immortal, she was _not._ She was only human. That moment had set him onto the path of discovery, and he'd quickly decided that life was no longer worthwhile or even bearable without her in it. Only, what he was contemplating was something that would need not only Seirei-o's approval, but his assistance, as well. And finding the spirit world king and then gaining audience with him wasn't the easiest thing to manage – the one attempting to do so would likely be out of contact with everyone for some amount of time at least while they tried. Which was exactly what the case had been, and unfortunately, Lucy had indeed called for him during that time, leaving Virgo to make his excuses.

Badly.

Perhaps he should have waited to take action on his decision and seek out Seirei-o until she and the others had found their way back from Edolas, but he'd been impatient, and truthfully, at that point no one had even known if they'd _ever_ be able to make their way back to Earthland. Waiting forever was no longer an option he even had, considering her limited life-span, so he'd taken the risk... and it had backfired spectacularly right in his face.

If only he hadn't spent all his days chasing practically every skirt in sight before he'd met his mistress, this wouldn't have happened, and now all he could do was try to figure out how to dig himself out of the doghouse with her. If he could even get her to look at him, that was, let alone listen to him.

But there was no choice and little time besides - he'd have to figure things out in a hurry or he would lose everything, and there would be no going back or changing the matter if he did.

 _Why, oh why did I leave such non-specific instructions with Virgo, of all people?_ he lamented inwardly. _I know she's not very good at making quick decisions in the moment! _Oh, he'd been a fool all the way around this thing, and now Lucy was convinced that when she'd needed him, he'd been too busy on some stupid, banal date to bother coming for her.

That was why he was currently in regret hell.

He blinked back into awareness as he noticed the pink-haired spirit nod, though she still looked deeply unhappy with herself.

“If princess is willing to accept my word, I will vouch for you,” she offered quietly, her fingers twisting together a little in discomfort. He could see that she really felt as though she'd failed him in this matter, and wouldn't feel right unless she was able to help fix the problem she'd inadvertently caused.

He nodded and jammed his hands in his pockets, trying – and failing, though she didn't have the heart to tell him that – to smile at her. “Thank you, Virgo.” He really did appreciate her offer, and he knew that Lucy would indeed trust her word on the matter.

The problem now was simply in trying to get Lucy to listen to him long enough to get an explanation out, so that he could then have her summon the other spirit to verify that he was actually telling her the truth. He was pretty sure the moment she felt him opening his own gate she'd be trying to close it just as fast, so he'd have to talk not only faster, but with complete sincerity, as well.

Not a problem there, as he wasn't lying.

At least he could take some consolation from the fact that Seirei-o had not out-and-out denied the request he'd put before him. The king had demanded that he take a certain amount of time to think over his decision before he would agree, but that time was now almost up, and before the deadline arrived he needed to speak to Lucy.

She had to know what was about to happen, because it would affect her in more ways than one.

He once again turned his faltering attention to Virgo as he heard her clear her throat.

“Leo... are you absolutely certain you wish to pursue this course of action? _Truly_?”

There was no hesitation in Loke's answer.

“Yes. I know I probably should have at least a few reservations,” he admitted after a moment at her artfully cocked brow and disbelieving expression. “But for some reason, I just don't. This is what I want.”

Virgo nodded then, clearly hearing the resolute note suffusing his voice. She didn't like it, but it wasn't her choice, nor her place to try to talk him out of his decision. “Then I wish you every happiness, brother,” she stated in a once-more normal, crisp voice, before fading away and leaving him to stare off into the stellar realm alone as he carefully tried to figure out how to salvage the situation.

~~LoLu~~

Several hours went by before Loke got tired of his own bellyaching and worrying. He cursed himself for acting such a spineless coward as to avoid Lucy for so long because of his own trepidation, but he simply couldn't help it. He was terrified to face her, yet fail to convince her of his innocence in regards to that totally fictional 'date'. Worse, that was only the _first_ hurdle he had to successfully jump in regards the whole matter. Next was telling her what he'd _really_ been doing, and why, without having her lose it and Lucy-kick him to death for even daring to think of such a plan.

If he thought Lucy was angry with him now over the date issue, he knew it was nothing but a drop in the proverbial ocean compared to how upset she would be when she finally understood exactly what he was telling her.

 _Stop it! Stop stalling. You're supposed to be a lion, not a mouse._ _Just... get on with it!_

Forcing himself to breathe in deeply once before opening his gate, he did just that, giving himself no further chance to think about what he was doing. _The time for thinking is past, now, Loke, you fool. All you'd better hope for is that it's evening when you get there and that she doesn't have – or gain – company._ He snorted inwardly at the thought and his head pounded in response, a tension headache gripping sharp talons into him and making him wish he had taken something for it. _Oh, well, too late now. Not going to wait any longer._ He glowed into the visible light spectrum of the mortal realm and immediately cast his senses around him.

A part of his tension eased slightly when he arrived in Lucy's apartment and noted that it was indeed sometime in the evening, with no company anywhere to be seen. _So far, so good..._ He rapidly locked onto the familiar presence of his mistress to find that she appeared to be in the bathroom. The near-instantaneous surge of fury and underlying hurt he felt coming from her also tipped him off to the fact that he'd been quite correct when he'd surmised that she'd immediately know he'd opened his own gate, and be furious that he had the nerve to try to corner her. He had to force himself not to cringe at the feel of her acrid anger as her raging emotions jangled at the spirit-and-mage bond between them, strafing his own very tenuous control nearly unbearably and making his head pound harder.

The fact that buried underneath the anger she was feeling was that hint of hurt only upset him further. It wasthe hurt that was fueling the anger, though she seemed to be trying very hard to hide it. He'd never wanted to cause her any kind of upset or pain, but nonetheless he had, and what his intentions had or had _not_ been mattered not at all to the end result.

Yet another sin to add to the many already staining his soul.

 _Why the hell not - I'm so far beyond redemption that it's almost funny,_ he thought wearily as the bathroom door slammed open and the object of all his thoughts stepped out to confront him wrapped in nothing more than a towel and billowing clouds of steam from the shower it was apparent she'd just finished.

He stared at her, unable to help himself despite her forbidding expression.

_Just one more sin is all it will take._

It was a damning realization for the lion. _Have I really sinned that much?_

Oh, yes. No question about it.

The answer was unequivocal and immediate, damning him even further.

“What are you doing here?” Lucy demanded as soon as she saw him. “Don't you have another date or something? Or should I be honored that you decided to take a moment out of your busy social calendar and pop in to make sure I was still breathing? Well, as you can see I'm fine, so you can just go right back where you came from.”

“I wasn't on a date,” he said baldly, going right for the most important thing first without any of his usual finesse.

There was a momentary silence, then Lucy said, “Get out, Loke,” very quietly, the room chilling around them at the emptiness of her voice. “I never thought you'd lie to me on top of breaking your promise, but I guess I was wrong.”

A wave of pain rushing through his head tore a minute groan from him, and he pressed his fingers against the frown forking his brow and closed his eyes, trying to rub out the increasingly painful tension.

“I'm not lying,” he returned just as quietly after a moment of unsuccessful effort, his eyes still closed. “Virgo told me to ask you to summon her, and she'd verify my story. I _was_ doing something that left me unable to respond to you, but I _wasn't_ on a date.”

He tried, he really did, but he wasn't able to keep his own hurt hiding behind the softly spoken words – he really wished that she could have trusted him for his own sake, but the fact was that she hadn't.

At least not entirely.

He exhaled resignedly and opened his eyes.

That wasn't her fault either, but his. Why _wouldn't_ she believe what Virgo had told her? After all, she knew of his past as a playboy – why would she assume _this_ time had been any different, or that the spirit of the virgin constellation had been deliberately misleading her? She really had no cause to think anything other than what she did and he knew it, despite whatever he might wish.

 _If wishes were horses, all beggars would ride,_ he reminded himself of an old proverb he'd heard long ago. _Man up and stop whining about it. Things are as they are, and that's your own fault, you womanizing idiot._

“Lucy, I-” he blurted, then broke off, hesitating and uncertain of what he'd even been going to say. He'd never felt more awkward than he did right then, and the agony rapidly tightening around his head like a steel band wasn't helping matters any. He cringed at the pain, sweat breaking out on his temples and making him shiver with the cold, clammy feel of it.

“You look like you have a migraine,” she said neutrally as she studied him through a now-blank gaze that gave nothing of her thoughts away.

 “Very nearly. I don't feel that well right now,” he agreed weakly as he shivered again, pain forking like lightening behind his eyes and crashing through his head in long rolls.

"Sit down on the couch before you fall down, Loke,” she finally returned in an even tone, her earlier aggression now markedly absent, to his unreserved relief. “I'm going to go get dressed and gather something for your headache. And then you're going to explain what's really been going on.”

He nodded and sat down obediently as she exited the room, content for the moment that he had at least managed to break through her anger enough to earn a chance to explain. He'd worry about the next stage later – right now he just wanted the agony in his head to go the hell away so he could concentrate on more important things.

Unable to even sit up straight anymore due to the torment of his pounding skull, Loke took off his glasses and tossed them on the table, then forcibly relaxed all his muscles, going limp and allowing his head to lay against the back of the sofa. He deliberately kept his mind as blank as possible, because to be honest even thinking was hurting and he certainly wasn't going to get anywhere with trying until the headache was gone, so it was pointless, as well.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he heard the tiny 'chink' of crockery being settled carefully on the table that sat before his mistress' sofa, and he squinted one eye open to look up at Lucy.

“Here,” she said softly, gesturing to what she'd set down. “I made you some tea with a little honey to sweeten the taste of the medicine, which is already mixed into your drink. It should kick in quickly.” She seemed to be trying to keep from aggravating his condition, and he smiled tiredly at her in thanks for that small consideration. She'd even turned her lights down low, and his appreciation for her surged.

She was right. Not even five minutes later and Loke was already feeling much, much better. That wasn't to say that he felt up to a melee battle or anything, but a discussion... well, that much he was pretty sure he could handle.

Even with the consideration of her temper.

“ _Stars_ ,” he finally shuddered as the last of the crashing pains in his head eased off. “That was awful. I can't even _remember_ the last time I had a headache, let alone like that. And it came on so fast, too.”

“You must have been really stressed out if the tension gave you a headache that bad, that quickly.”

The lion blinked, then nodded wryly. “You could say that.”

It was silent for a few moments; Loke took that time to straighten up on the sofa and sit correctly instead of being sprawled out so that Lucy could sit down more comfortably.

The silence continued once she had, and he was well aware that she was watching him, a subtly questioning look in her eyes – an expression that meshed seamlessly with the curiosity they carried, as well. It was very easy to see that she was not sure what to make of what little had so-far transpired.

Loke could empathize firmly with that, because neither was he.

“Why?” she asked when it seemed he wasn't going to say anything more, a tiny furrow of worry appearing on her brow. “What could have made you react like that? Is everything okay in the spirit world?”

He waved a hand. “Oh, no, it's nothing like that. This is... a more personal thing, you could say. Everyone else is just fine, Lucy.”

“Personal?” That furrow grew a little, and now she looked a bit wary. “Something personal that stressed _you_ out that bad? Do I even want to know?”

“Want to or not, you're going to _have_ to know. There's no two ways around it.”

Now she just looked downright apprehensive, but Loke knew that wouldn't last. When he told her... well, things were probably not going to be pretty for a while. They would most likely be loud, too. But there was no choice – he had to tell her, and it couldn't be put off any longer. Seirei-o's deadline was rapidly approaching, and the lion knew there'd be no chance of the king agreeing to his request again if he missed it.

That simply couldn't be allowed to happen.

Lucy swallowed hard and took in a deep breath, bracing herself, and despite himself and the seriousness of the situation, he couldn't help the little chuckle that her reactions teased from his throat.

She frowned a bit defensively at him. “Don't tell me it's not that bad. You wouldn't be reacting the way you have been if it weren't.”

“Bad?” he repeated slowly, looking thoughtful. “I suppose it depends on your point of view. You probably won't like it, but it's what I want. I don't have _any_ doubts – it offers me more hope and happiness than I've ever had.”

Lucy, beginning to look mystified and a little frustrated as well as apprehensive, prodded impatiently at him. “Just say it, for heaven's sakes! You're starting to scare me. Why don't you start with where you really were when I called for you in Edolas, and go from there?”

“Ah, yes, that.” He cleared his throat. “I needed to speak to Seirei-o. But unlike most of the rest of us stellar spirits, who maintain a closer contact with each other and our keyholders, he doesn't. Seirei-o could literally be anywhere in the spirit world at any given moment... so if you need him, you've got to first find him, and then chase him down. It's not unusual for a spirit seeking him out to be out of contact for some amount of time – even for their keyholder.”

She blinked. Her expression had gone mostly blank as he'd spoken, but then she looked confused again. “So you didn't know I'd called for you?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Not until I'd returned and Virgo told me.”

“So it was you that _asked_ her to answer if I called for you, then,” she surmised, and he nodded carefully.

“Yes. I didn't want to leave you with no protection if something did indeed happen, and it's a good thing I took that precaution.” He looked a bit regretful, then. “Maybe I should have waited to seek out Seirei-o until you had returned to Earthland, but at the time none of us even knew if you _could_ get back for certain, and I just... couldn't put it off indefinitely. I'm sorry for hurting you, Lucy. I never want to hurt you, I'd protect you forever from _every_ kind of pain if I could, but...”

“You can't,” she broke in with a small smile that he was thrilled to see directed his way. “But thank you... you know, for caring about me so much.” Her smile was now tinged with shyness and accompanied by a rather bright blush.

It may have been small with red cheeks accompanying it, but it was a _true_ smile, and he knew then that she'd accepted his word of where he'd been... and his earlier hurt that she'd not completely trusted him faded away. She was accepting of his explanation and hadn't asked for Virgo to verify what he'd told her. It made him feel much better.

“I'm kind of curious, though,” she added, and he tilted his head questioningly. “Why did Virgo say you were on a date? Couldn't she have just said where you were?”

At that Loke's expression turned sheepish and he rubbed at the back of his neck, his own cheeks now a bit red. “Er, well... I didn't want anyone to know I was looking for the spirit king. Virgo is the only one that knows what I was doing, so I asked her to cover for me if you called for me, and to give you a believable excuse as to why _I_ hadn't responded.” His face twisted and he looked a little disgruntled. “Apparently, _that_ was all she could think of.”

He was taken aback when Lucy burst out laughing, vengeful hilarity practically dripping from her as she wrapped her arms around her midsection and almost fell off the couch.

“That's... too... funny,” she managed to gasp out between laughs, tears streaming down her face. “Well, she did a good job, because knowing how you are, that excuse was _totally_ believable. That's what you get for being a playboy!”

“It is _not_ funny,” he huffed and folded his arms across his chest, now pouting.

She swatted at him, still laughing. “Yes, it is!” she insisted. “Come on, Loke! You've always got a different girl hanging off your arm, and you flirt with almost anything in a skirt!”

His eyes narrowed on her. “So, then tell me – when was the last time you saw me with a girl on my arm or _really_ flirting with 'almost anything in a skirt'... well, besides _you_?”

Looking struck, her laughter stopped abruptly, and her expression turned thoughtful. “I...”

“That's what I thought,” he butted in when she trailed off uncertainly. “I haven't run around with any girl _but_ you since before you saved me, actually.”

She shot him a highly dubious look out of brown eyes he wanted to lose himself in, despite the conversation currently taking place. Even when he was annoyed at his little mistress, he couldn't keep from wanting to hold her and touch her... love her. He sighed inwardly, momentarily a little irritated with just how much of a hold she had on him – and that she was so completely oblivious to it!

“What about when I was sealed on Tenroujima?” she challenged. “I bet you did then. I mean, I wasn't around for seven years!”

He shrugged and shook his head. “Nope. Not unless you count me going on a so-called 'double date' with Scorpio and Aquarius. I took Aries... she doesn't get out much because she's so shy, so I figured she'd enjoy it. But there's nothing like that between she and I, so it was just as friends. And remember – seven years here was only twenty-eight days in the spirit world. Besides... I was too busy worrying about you to really care about anything else. We didn't know anything about what had happened to you or where the island had disappeared to.”

It was pleasing to him to see her surprised expression – it felt good to be able to prove to her that she'd been looking at him through old, outdated glasses that no longer had the right focus. He wasn't the same man that he had been when they'd met, and it was really all because of her. _Everything I am today is because of her... she changed me so deeply that I'll never be the man I was again. And that's a good thing. I don't miss that life at all._

“You're trying to tell me that you haven't dated anyone since-” she began, but he cut her off.

“Since the night you snatched me from the jaws of death.”

She gaped at him. “Why?” she gasped. “I-I mean... dating a new girl every day and being a playboy might be a bad thing, but not dating anyone at all?”

He smiled at her, the twist of his lips wryly affectionate. “Come on, princess... why do you think? Maybe you should have listened to some of the things I've said to you over the time you've been my keyholder.”

“Like what?” she demanded, looking a little affronted now.

His smile only grew more affectionate as he watched her features with fascination – she was _so_ emotive and expressive in her face and body language. It was always intensely interesting to watch her – he could do it all day... and night. (He'd _really_ like the chance to watch her through the night, all right. Really, _really_.)

Drawing in a deep breath and then letting it out, he thought, _Well, here we go. This was just the lead-in I needed to introduce the true point of my visit, so..._

“Like the fact that I've told you several times and in several different ways that I love you, Lucy,” he stated bluntly, his eyes holding her now wide, astonished ones captive. “And if I'm in love with you, I have no reason or desire to date other women, do I? It's pretty straightforward and simple, don't you think?”

Silence. Loke could practically hear the wind in the eaves of her apartment, and that was no mean feat, because there was almost no wind movement outside. _She really had no idea... all this time, she truly thought I was just emptily flirting with her._ In a way that hurt, but again, like everything else to do with this situation, it was his own fault. Yet maybe now she'd finally begin to realize just how much a changed man he really was.

He could only hope... _That is, if she's even willing to see if she_ _could_ _return my feelings. But even if she turns me away, I won't change my mind..._

No, there was no changing his mind. Not now.

However, as the silence piled atop yet more silence, he began to become uneasy. Why was she so shocked? Or was it that she was simply searching for the easiest way to let him down - trying to find the words to turn him away?

“Lucy?” he finally prompted her, his heart in his throat and apprehension prickling along his skin.

“Uh,” she tried to vocalize, only to be compelled to clear her throat quite heavily as it came out in little more than a squeak.

And then he was forced to lean back so as not to get a finger in the face as she jumped to her feet with agitation and pointed at him.

“You _knew_ I didn't take you seriously about that before!” she yelled, her voice now well back under her control as evidenced by the increasing volume of it. “You should have told me the truth!”

He shook his head, looking a little chagrined. “I... actually didn't, not for sure, anyway. I mean, I know you always accused me of flirting, but Lucy... don't you understand what flirting is? Sure, there's two types of flirting, I guess, if you want to be technical about it. Light, teasing flirting which is really just for fun, and the heavy kind of flirting which is _serious_. That's the kind of flirting I always did with you. I was trying to get your attention.”

Wind taken out of her sails, the stellar mage just kind of slumped, slowly sliding back down into her seat with a bewildered sort of expression that made him feel a tad bit guilty. Especially as this was just the beginning...

He watched as she blew a deep breath out and then rubbed down her face with a hand, before letting it fall to lay limply in her lap with her other one. After a few seconds, she mumbled, “You should have just _told_ me.” One blonde brow twitched, and she looked up at him. “So what does that all have to do with Seirei-o, and Virgo telling me you were on some date?”

A touch of his previous tension tightened his muscles at her question. _Stars, I hope that headache doesn't come back..._ “Everything, actually.”

“Eh? Why do your... feelings-” she blushed like a tomato as his confession really sank in and looked down, her fingers fidgeting suddenly in her lap, “-have anything to do with the spirit king? Do you have to have permission to care about someone, or something?”

He chuckled, though there was really only a small amount of amusement at her slightly sarcastic question. “Of course not. No one can decide how another person should feel about something. Seirei-o can be a little... strong-willed sometimes about some things, but he doesn't try to tell us how to think or feel.”

“Loke,” she began warningly, apparently at her limit with worry about the subject he was dancing around, “just tell me! What the hell did you need to see the spirit king so badly for that pertains to... what you just told me?” She was still red-faced, and Loke idly wondered how long it would be before her vivid blush would fade.

 _Worry about that later, moron,_ he chastised himself in the next second. _It's time to tell her. Get on with it._

“I asked him to make me human again,” he blurted. “I won't be a celestial spirit anymore, just a human mage.”

What do you know... more silence.

Loke winced and ran a hand over his brow. _Well, that was_ _really_ _stupid, idiot. Couldn't you have found a better way to say that? Or at least not have said it quite so baldly?_

“Human... again?”

The lion had to admit he was a little impressed. She'd at least partially recovered quite quickly that time. Maybe the shocks she'd already had since this visit began were starting to numb her? Well, if it were true, maybe it was for the best...

“Yes. We were all human once, Lucy. The Zodiac was created by human minds, you know. I'd just be returning to what I once was, that's all. But... before I actually took that step you had to be told. _This_ is the main reason I came tonight. When I managed to finally corner Seirei-o and present my request, he ordered me to think further on the subject before he would agree and gave me a deadline. That deadline is looming.”

Now all that was left to wonder was if she would put two and two together and understand _why_ he was making such a life-changing decision at this particular time.

“No way!” she suddenly shouted, jumping back to her feet again and glaring at him, arms akimbo. “You, you... why?! _Why would you do that_?? You can't... can't... I won't let you!”

_Guess not._

“It's not your choice, princess,” Loke replied, his voice and eyes very serious now. “I've made up my mind. And I'm doing it for a very simple reason. I love you. Here's the problem. Right now, I'm immortal – and you're not. There's only two ways this can play out, and the one where I watch you age and die while being left behind to suffer your loss for eternity isn't an option I can live with.”

“B-but...” Lucy was fast losing her equilibrium, her fingers tangling and clenching in her golden strands and tears beginning to flood her eyes. “Loke, you can't!” she insisted, her voice heavy with pleading and panic. “You _can't_ give up your immortality to become human for me. You just can't!”

His features softened with fondness as his eyes ran over her now tear-streaked cheeks. “I'm not really doing it for you, Lucy. I'm doing it for me. And I don't see it as giving up anything. So, I'll be human again and finally age and 'die' like I should have ages ago. But I'll be able to go into the afterlife and see you again... see you forever, actually. I won't ever have to say goodbye once that happens. To me, that's no loss – it's a very-much yearned for boon.”

His personal goddess whirled around and began pacing, still looking panicked and yet determined... to threaten him out of his decision. “If you do, I won't ever be with you! It would all be for nothing!”

That was a chance he'd just have to take, but even if she kept to that and refused to be with him, he was still going to become human again. Whether she turned him down or not, that wouldn't change the fact that _he_ loved _her_. And he just wasn't willing to lose out on having her in his life forever, even if it was just as friends. Of course, it should go without saying that's not what he wanted, and it _would_ hurt if she kept that threat. But if that was all he could have of her, then he'd take it. It was still far, far better than what he'd get if he stayed immortal and had to say goodbye to her for eternity when she finally died. Never see her again? No. He wouldn't survive something like that. Even thinking about it made him feel sick and panicky.

But when it came right down to it, he really just wanted her to be happy, even if that wasn't with him. And though he'd rather be one-half of a couple with her, if she was happier elsewhere then he'd accept it. He would still love and protect her for the rest of his life, no matter what.

The truth was, though, he didn't believe that Lucy would actually make good on such a threat. She just wasn't that type of person, so if she ended up deciding not to accept him, it would be because she didn't return his feelings in the same way. He simply had to make her understand that this was what was going to happen anyway, and that he wasn't upset or unhappy with his choice at all.

He stood up and moved in on her agitated form, backing her almost into a wall as she suddenly gulped and looked up at him, going breathless. Her reaction to his closeness made him a little more confident that she did have at least some feelings or attraction for him, made him feel as if maybe what he was hoping so ardently for could actually happen.

“I don't believe that, Lucy. You're not that kind of manipulative.” He smiled down at her and sighed. “I knew you'd be upset when I told you, but you shouldn't be. It's my choice, and I'm perfectly happy with it. And even if you decide on someone else – though I really hope you don't – I wouldn't regret that choice. Because I'll always love you, and even if I could only be your friend, it would still be worth it.”

Tears were pouring down her face now, and she looked almost devastated. Loke really wished this wasn't upsetting her so much – he truly, deeply despised seeing her cry, let alone knowing it was because of him. _I just can't seem to avoid doing the things I hate the most, can I?_

 _Welcome to hell, bastard,_ his snarky inner voice laughed darkly at him, and he laughed just as darkly with it. _It's where I belong, though. If she's hurting because of me, then it's only fair that I hurt, too, right?_

Despite her earlier words on just this subject he'd gladly pay in blood if it meant never hurting her again, but realistically he knew that it wasn't that easy. Life was a bitch, and pain was a far-too prevalent part of it – even for immortal celestial spirits, as he knew all too well.

 _Immortal_...

Maybe that was why his spirit felt so blackened – living pretty much forever just made harming others even inadvertently more of a certainty.

Hesitant fingers reached for her face, and after a moment of holding her drenched brown eyes with his, he swept a tender hand down her cheek, trying to wipe her tears away. But it was a losing battle, because more just raced in to take their place, and Loke frowned regretfully.

“Lucy, please stop crying. _Please._ There's nothing to cry over.”

Her face crumpled and she wailed, throwing herself against him and grasping at him with desperate fingers. “Yes, there is!” she insisted, sobbing. “It's like you're _asking_ to die, and I can't even bear the _thought_!”

Her cries tore at his heart and he wrapped his arms around her, laying his cheek atop her crown and rocking her back and forth. He could do little more than hold her while she cried and try to comfort her, but her obvious pain was sending that same feeling through his own heart and soul, and if she didn't calm down soon, he'd probably end up drowning in his guilt.

_Not that I don't more than deserve it._

_Had_ he once thought he could never feel more guilt than he had over Karen's death?

More fool him.

However...

“Are _you_ asking to die?”

She pulled away a little at that, looking up at him through astonished, still-drenched eyes. “What?” she asked, her voice a little hoarse.

He reached up and gently pushed a strand of hair that was sticking to her cheek behind her ear. “You said that me wanting to be human again was like asking to die. So I want to know... are you asking to die? I mean, you're human, right?”

It was immediately obvious where he was going with that, and Lucy certainly didn't miss it. She frowned at him. “Well, no, of course I'm not! But I'm not immortal. I don't really have a choice but to age and die, and you do. It's different!”

He shook his head. “No, it's not.” And then he sighed. “Besides, calling the celestial spirits immortal is probably more than a little misleading. We aren't... not really. It just seems that way to those still trapped by the mortal coil here because we live for extremely _long_ periods of time. We're defined by the stars of our constellations, and stars are just like everything else, Lucy. They're born, they age, and they die. It just takes a few billion years or so,” he quipped dryly at her stunned expression.

“W-well... well, that's still not the same as giving such a long lifespan up so you can die in a tiny fraction of the time! Why can't you just wait to see me until then?”

“Besides the fact that I have no desire to wait a few billion years to see you again, I wouldn't be able to anyway if I lived and died as a celestial spirit. Once a star dies, it no longer exists. It doesn't have a soul like a human does, and so neither does a celestial spirit. That means you'll die and go to heaven, and I'll just die. I'm not willing to let that happen. Really, this is the only option there is, and that's okay with me.”

Lucy was totally silent now, though tears were still tracking slowly down her cooling cheeks. She just stared at him, her eyes glued to his, and he fervently hoped he'd finally gotten through to her. So he continued to hold her and let her look at him for as long as she needed to. It was little enough to give to stop her crying, after all.

“What about Seirei-o? Will he die, too?” she asked somberly.

Loke blinked. He hadn't been expecting that question, though maybe he should have.

“Seirei-o is a little different. He's not a star or a constellation. He's... well-” his lips twisted for a moment as he tried to think of how to explain it, “-just think of him as a sentient avatar of the universe itself. And the universe _is_ eternal, so he is, too.”

“Oh.”

That was all she said, but she was still staring at him, so he remained passive and simply continued to watch her in return. He was content enough as it was, with her no longer crying but still firmly wrapped in his arms. She was pressed against him from knee to chest, and as far as he was concerned, she could stay there all day and stare at him if this was what it earned him.

Unfortunately that wasn't on the cards at that particular time, and he was finally forced to let her go as she pulled herself out of his arms and stepped slowly away. She looked to be deep in thought as she slowly paced around the room, and Loke leaned a shoulder against the wall and stayed silent, just letting her consider everything he'd told her without pressing himself on her any further. (Although he'd been pleased and very hopeful to note that there had been some reluctance on her part when pulling away.)

Eventually she came to a stop and looked back up at him, her eyes sad but clear. “You're going to do this no matter what I say, aren't you?” she asked, though it was easy to see that it wasn't really a true question. She already knew the answer.

He spoke up anyway. “Yes.”

Her shoulders sagged and she looked defeated. Loke frowned inwardly; he despised that beaten look on her face. She suddenly seemed sad and tired, lost as well, and unable to help himself he reached for her again, yanking her surprised form into a tight hug.

“Don't look at me that way, Lucy,” he breathed. “Can't you see that this isn't something to be sad and upset over, but something that will make me happy? Don't you want me to be happy?”

“Of course I do! But why does it have to be like this? Isn't there _any_ other way for you to be happy?”

She tried pulling away again to look up at him, but he held her in place against him, pressing her head firmly to his chest and wrapping himself around her as much as possible. He needed this contact from her right now – needed it badly. Fortunately she didn't fight him, slumping into his arms and sniffling sadly.

But despite her continuing upset, Loke's heart nearly leaped into his throat when she wrapped her arms around him in turn. She clutched tightly at the back of his shirt with slender fingers whose warmth made his head spin, as she'd run her hands and arms _underneath_ his suit jacket. As tightly as they were wrapped up together, this wasn't any simple embrace. It certainly wasn't just a friend hugging a friend – it was very intimate, and portrayed a certain closeness that he'd desperately been wanting to enjoy with her for quite some time.

He sighed. “No. I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm not doing this to hurt you,” he fervently assured her. “I've said it several times tonight, and I'm going to say it again. _I love you_. The thought of losing you, of never seeing you again-” his throat almost closed as the restless, panicky feeling he got every time he thought of that welled up, threatening to choke him, “-makes me ill. I can't even think about it. _Please_ don't be cruel enough to ask me to live without you.”

This had been a long day for the lion. He'd already gone through just about every emotion under the heavens, and maybe that was why he couldn't seem to stop the tears that were suddenly flooding his own eyes. He tried to blink them back, not wanting to make the young woman in his arms feel guilty for her troubled emotions in regards his decision, but he wasn't having much luck. All he could do was tightly close his eyes and bury his face in her soft blonde hair as the hot tears ran slowly down his cheeks.

“I love you so much,” he whispered. “I will _always_ love you.” He wasn't certain whether she'd heard him or not, but it didn't really matter, because he would live that promise every day for the rest of his life. This was his deepest heart, his most basic truth. This was _Loke_ , as no one had ever seen him, with all his walls down and the truest part of who he was laid bare to any who cared to look.

She _had_ heard him, apparently. Without actually pulling away from him in any way she turned her head up, using the motion to push his head away enough that he could look at her. His hazel eyes widened at all the emotions that glowed in her sloe-eyed gaze, and he couldn't have looked away from her if his life had depended on it.

“Lucy,” he whispered in wonder, his eyes widening even further and his tears beginning to halt. He'd never seen her look like that before.

She smiled; he gasped faintly. There'd never been a smile so poignantly sad yet sweetly tender, especially not one directed at him.

“You were right when you said that I wouldn't really keep to that threat.”

Loke frowned for a second, trying to place what she was talking about but it quickly hit him, and he pulled back a little more almost defensively. _Does she mean..._ “Wha-?” he got out before his throat tightened and choked off his voice entirely. He attempted to un-knot his tensed vocal chords with a heavy swallow, then tried again. “What?” he was finally able to repeat carefully.

She shook her head at him and her smile widened just a little, something he was actually glad to see. Now there was a small but definite spark of amusement in her eyes that made his overtaxed emotions lighten some, and one corner of his lips twitched up into a tentative return smile almost without him being aware of it.

Her eyes dropped then, her lashes laying heavy against her cheeks and hiding her gaze, a faint blush beginning to feather her cheekbones. “Earlier,” she reminded him, “when I said that if you became human I would never be with you... I was lying.”

Loke's heart exploded up through his sternum and into his throat. _She_ _was_ _talking about that!_ He found that he had no idea what to say in that moment, not wanting to sound presumptuous, and wondered dimly where his normal smooth way with words had flown off to. She seemed to be waiting for him say something, too; her eyes hadn't lifted despite his lack of answer, and she hadn't moved an inch.

Not wanting to disappoint her, he spit out the first thing that came to mind.

“Does that mean that you might be... willing to give me a chance, spirit _or_ human?”

He winced inwardly and barely managed to keep from slapping himself. _Did I really just blurt that out like an inexperienced, overly eager little boy? Where_ _did_ _all my usual finesse go?_

Perhaps it was a good thing it seemed to have deserted him; Lucy snorted a tiny giggle, her gaze finally lifting to meet his again. There was still sadness there, but it was the emotion that overlay _that_ which stopped his breathing. If he didn't know any better, that expression would make him think...

“Spirit or human... in and of itself that never bothered me. I couldn't care less.” She shook her head, then bit her lip for a moment, and Loke was unable to stop himself from running a careful thumb over that lip to tug it away from her teeth. He didn't want her to bruise such a tender part of herself. She blushed at the gentle contact, but continued what she'd been about to say. “It's just... whenever we fought enemies before I always knew that even if you did get hurt, you'd be able to go back to the spirit world, and everything would be okay. Now... now you could die in a battle and that would be it. I feel like I'm losing you,” she finished in a dejected whisper.

Though she hadn't really answered his question directly yet, nonetheless he responded to the distress that had been in her voice as she'd spoken.

“But you aren't, Lucy. You're just gaining _all_ of me. I understand what you mean, but you can't think like that. _I_ could just as easily lose _you_ in a battle, too. We're not guaranteed anything in life beyond this moment, which is why we have to cherish every second we have together.”

“Cherish,” she repeated with a small smile as she apparently found that word more than to her liking; her lashes flickered for a moment before sinking down to once more cover her eyes and tangle with the color in her cheeks. Her smile did not falter, however.

It made Loke's heart begin to pound hard in his chest with an ever-spiraling hope, but when she reached up with both hands to cup his cheeks he froze, unable to even breathe.

“Cherish _is_ a pretty good word,” she murmured. “Yeah, I could definitely go with cherish.”

And then she tugged him down and pressed her lips to his.

Loke found that he'd never known true sensation until right that moment, never _really_ noticed the stars he lived by until she gave him the chance to reach out and graze their crystalline brilliance through her kiss... never realized what it was to truly taste until she nipped his lip and then licked into his mouth when he inhaled on a startled gasp.

When her taste reached the synapses of his brain they snapped, and he shuddered all over.

She shivered in almost the same moment and wrapped her arms around his neck, and _holy hell_ he was dying, completely immolated in her cleansing light _..._

Maybe he wasn't beyond redemption, after all.

 _This... this is heaven right here,_ he thought a little disjointedly as he growled and took over the kiss, fighting her back into her own mouth. _This is where I always want to be. Stars, please, never take her away from me. If I have found any favor during my service in the heavens as Leo, let me never lose her._

A terrible sound tore from his chest at the thought and suddenly he was devouring her, kissing her like she was going to be ripped away from him in the very next second. It was desperate and demanding and insane with passion, and just forceful enough to slam Lucy's back against the wall. His hands ended up braced against it on either side of her shoulders as he pressed harder into the kiss, and her head went limp and landed against the hard surface with a slight thunk.

But it was when she moaned into his mouth that he groaned deep in his chest, his body so aroused by that time that he was rapidly approaching the fine line between rapture and hell. He wrenched his lips from hers and trailed kisses across her cheek and down her jaw, and when she gave a protesting cry at the ending of that first kiss, a heavy surge of desire washed over him with excruciating intensity. It was so powerful it nearly sent him to his knees. He bit down on the chord of her neck in unconscious answer, which still laid open and vulnerable to him because she hadn't yet picked her head up from where it had fallen against the wall in surrender.

She inhaled on a garbled shriek and he convulsed, white light breaking open inside his mind and spilling from his eyes.

 _Stars..._ He was awestruck by her and what she could make him feel. He'd never been so swept away with desire for any woman that he'd lost it with anywhere close to the degree that he was losing it now. His control was bleeding away from him in waves and he was unable and even unwilling to stop it. He _never_ wanted to stop it.

_If she's my reward for letting go, then I couldn't thank the universe more. I want to serve her for the rest of eternity._

“ _Lucy_ ,” he moaned against her throat, his voice pleading. He felt her flesh move against his lips as she swallowed, and he slid his mouth down in response, eagerly tasting her skin. All his senses were sharpened to an almost painful degree, and the way she was squirming against him and encouraging him on with little nonsensical cries and varied iterations of his name only shredded his sanity all the more.

A hot surge of triumph swept through him at the sound of his name on her lips in such a way, a feral snarl ripped from him as it traveled through his body. Her reactions to him were returning him to a truer version of himself – one that had almost been tamed right out of him over the seemingly endless ages since he'd been a simple human taken and remade into a celestial spirit and placed in the heavens. Human or celestial spirit, though, it didn't really matter - this was a feral that either could understand.

_But..._

He somehow managed to find just enough of his honor and mostly shredded control to make sure she fully wanted this and wouldn't regret it later.

“Lucy,” he mumbled against her neck, his voice now almost an octave lower and rumbling in his chest. “You'd better stop me right now if you aren't ready for this, because in just another half-second or so I won't be able to.”

Despite his words his mouth was still tracing her skin with bruising intensity, though. He would only stop if she asked him to... otherwise he would never call a halt.

“ _Loke_ ,” she keened, arching against his plundering mouth and showing no signs of wanting him to stop. “ _Please_.”

At that he pulled away a little to stare down at her. He needed to be _sure_. When her lashes lifted enough for him to see her eyes, he swallowed heavily at the sultry, abandoned heat in them. He'd never seen anything so damn beautiful in his life.

Then her gaze locked with his, devotion laying starkly over the desire, and he instantly revised his opinion.

 _That_ was infinitely more beautiful.

“Lucy,” he whispered her name this time, brushing his mouth along her heavily flushed cheekbone tenderly as the insane passion of just a moment before temporarily tamed itself, subsumed beneath his swelling emotions for her. “If you want me, I'm yours. Forever.” _My mistress of the stars, my dazzling Lucy._ “I _have_ been.”

“Then I suppose it's a good thing that I'm yours,” she said slowly in reply. Her eyes glittered. “I always will be.”

With an almost pained cry of relief and joy Loke crushed his lips to hers again and she welcomed him eagerly, just as she had the first time. She was still pressed up against the wall, but he could no longer keep his hands from her and instead pulled her closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her.

She lit up like a living flame against him and he almost went out of his head, with his heightened emotions only feeding his physical desire. He consumed her, suddenly ravenous and not caring if the universe fell into ruin around them so long as he could continue touching and tasting her.

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Loke swept Lucy up into his arms without once letting go his hold on her mouth, and blindly turned and made his way towards her bedroom.

It was time to move this to somewhere much more comfortable.

~~LoLu~~

Low murmurs and soft touches gliding across still-damp flesh were all that filled the air sometime later as the two snuggled into each other on the bed, their earlier fiery passion temporarily assuaged – though not nearly sated.

Loke could not stop touching her. Lucy's skin was addictive, he was finding, and even now he wanted to taste her again. How had he survived all those dull, cold years before he'd met her? He couldn't even _imagine_ going back to that empty half-life now - he felt more alive than he ever had before.

“What are you thinking?”

The lion drew away from her a little to look down into her drowsy, contented eyes. She was smiling at him with a light blush just dusting her cheeks, and he'd never seen anything so visually enchanting in his life as her at that very moment in time. _I wish I could burn this image into my mind forever._ He smiled and brushed her bangs out of her face.

“Wishing I could remember you just like this for the rest of eternity.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Well, it's not like you're never going to see it again, you know.”

That reminder made him grin delightedly, his eyes lighting up. “I know.” His grin turned teasing, then. “See? You finally let your guard down around me, princess. And there was absolutely no reason to be so cautious of me, was there? You should have just trusted your faithful knight.”

“So says the _faithful knight_ with more girlfriends than an entire shipful of sailors,” Lucy intoned dryly, rolling her eyes.

He frowned chidingly at her. “So says the faithful knight who only has _one_ girlfriend now.”

She giggled, and he couldn't help but smile at her happiness. _I'm surely whipped,_ he realized, but couldn't bring himself to care - it was more than worth it. He leaned down and slowly and very thoroughly kissed her. When he finally pulled away she was flushed and breathing hard, and he couldn't help the cocky smirk that crossed his face.

_Well, it seems I have the same power over her. I can live with that._

He tweaked her cute little nose, which she wrinkled at him, and he chuckled. Then he rolled over onto his back next to her and folded his arms under his head, breaking out into another grin. He just couldn't seem to stop smiling... this evening had gone better than he'd had any reasonable hope of, and it almost seemed to him in that moment that fortune was favoring him in ways he'd never even imagined possible.

He glanced at Lucy out of the corner of his eye, and found her to be grinning just as widely, and he laughed at the pertly pleased expression on her face. It seemed she liked knowing that she could affect him that way.

It grew quiet after that as they just enjoyed the simple pleasure of lying together after sharing their bodies and hearts. It was a peaceful silence, something that Loke was certain they would be experiencing often over the coming years.

“What was your name?”

He blinked, almost wondering if he'd just imagined her voice. But when he looked over, she was watching him with those unfathomable eyes of hers and a now-unsmiling mouth, waiting for his answer.

“What?”

“You said that you were human once,” she replied softly, “so I wondered what your name was.”

 _What was my name? _It had been so many eons since that time that... “I can't remember. But it doesn't really matter – I'm not the same person I was then. In fact, I'm so different now that I may as well be an entirely different being. Now I'm Loke, who loves Lucy. And I'm content to _be_ Loke – _and_ love Lucy,” he winked playfully.

She smiled, though it was faint this time and once more tinged with a little sadness, and continued studying him. Her return to a more serious frame of mind sobered him a little, but he waited patiently enough for her to figure out what she wanted to say. He was a little surprised when she got up out of bed without actually saying anything, though, and he watched her naked form with curiosity – and a little lasciviousness - as she walked over to her dresser, where she picked up the pouch she kept her key ring in. She stared at it for several long moments before turning around and moving back to the bed.

Sitting down and crossing her legs, she carefully opened the belt pouch and pulled out her keys, which she held with a reverence that Loke had not seen in any celestial mage but her. Then she opened the catch and slid one off, and he realized what she was doing.

He leaned up on his elbow and put out a hand to cover hers. “Leo is still yours, Lucy. You won't be losing any contracts just because I won't be the lion anymore.”

She looked startled. “Uhh...”

His fingers closed around hers and he shook his head. “There will always be a zodiac, and Leo is the leader. Someone else will be the stellar lion now, but whoever takes my place, they will still be contracted to you.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “I...didn't know. But how will someone else get chosen to be Leo?”

He shrugged, not really concerned with that. “Who knows? That's Seirei-o's province – he'll take care of it.”

“I... see.” She slipped the key back onto the ring and then set it aside on her nightstand, again with that reverence that always made him want to choke up anytime he saw it. Like right now. “When do you have to leave?”

“Leave?”

“You know, to go find Seirei-o and tell him what you... decided.”

Loke sighed on a smile and shook his head, then glanced out the gap in her curtains at the dark night skies. The moon was just a sliver, and the stars shone even brighter than usual because of that.

It was beautiful... but not as beautiful as Lucy.

His mind automatically did the time conversions involved. “In the morning. But I probably won't be gone for long. Possibly a day or so, Earthland time. Once I return, that will be it.”

She nodded. He could still see the sadness in her, and realized that, realistically speaking, his choice would probably always make her feel a little sad. Not that he'd chosen to love her, but that he'd chosen to lose out on a hugely extended lifetime so that he could stay with her.

_I'll just have to concentrate on making her so happy that she'll forget that part of things. If I can fill her life with joy, she won't pay so much attention to the things that make her sad._

Then he reached up a hand and ran it wryly through his wild mane of ginger hair. “I suppose the very first thing I'm going to have to do when I get back is find a place to stay. It shouldn't be too bad, since I'll really only need a room. It's not like I'll be there much.”

Now Lucy's expression went firm. “No, you won't. In fact, you won't be 'there' at all – you'll stay with me,” she insisted decidedly. After a moment, though, she looked hesitant instead. “That is... if you want to.”

Loke stared at her. Then grinned gleefully. His beautiful girlfriend, his new and very _permanent_ lover, wanted him to live with her? _Oh, hell yes! Twenty-four seven Lucy... mmm._ Like he'd ever say no to that _._ “Seriously?!”

She blushed and her eyes flitted away from him, but she spoke up strongly enough anyway, despite her nervousness. “Yes.”

He tackled her back onto the bed and tickled her, still grinning like a loon as she shrieked and began laughing and trying to get away from him. He easily overpowered her, though, and as soon as she stopped trying to escape he traced his hands up her sides to her shoulders and held her still for a tender kiss. Then he pulled away and smiled softly at her. “Then I accept with gratitude. I would love to live here with you. Remember... I'm yours, for as long as you want me to be. Don't ever doubt that.”

Her answer faded into his lips as she pulled him back down to her, but he heard it anyway, and it made his heart soar.

“ _Forever. I want you forever.”_

And so he gave her forever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So this story is one I actually started early last month. I was working on it and the next chapter of Backfired kind of at the same time, you know, going back and forth between the two. And then disaster struck. 
> 
> I blush to admit it, but I'm really rather clumsy, and this time, I paid for it – heavily. I spilled water all over my laptop. It shut down immediately, was just gone, and it won't even turn on now. Which means I lost this story and what I'd worked out on Backfired, as well. Talk about wanting to choke-slam myself! And since that time, I've had to deal with getting a whole new laptop (which cost me thirteen hundred, by the way – my bank account is still screaming in agony about that) and then facing the fact that once I had it up and ready to go, I had to rewrite what I'd lost.
> 
> Now I don't know about most people, but the few times I've lost other stories, I've hated the thought of trying to remember what I'd already written and redoing it. There've been a few that I never did pick up again, because I learned early on that most of the time, when you re-write something it's never as good as it was the first time around. This time, I'm thrilled to be able to say that Only Human came out much better the second time. (And longer.) So I hope everyone enjoys this, and don't worry – Backfired isn't down for the count, either. I'll be working on that one next, though it might take me a little while to get back into the flow on that one, because the coming chapter is a lemon, and as most of my readers already know, I hate writing lemons. I much prefer choreographing battle scenes and the like. 
> 
> I hope with that explanation my readers can forgive my recent lack of posting...
> 
> Dozo yoroshiku onegai shimasu~  
> (Please regard me kindly)  
> Amber


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